If you asked the old me if I believe in God? I would say "definitely, Yes!" I believe in God and I will even add that I am a pretty religious person as I went to Catholic church almost every Sunday. But He never really 'rule' in my life...in fact, God is more like a foreign person in my life that I look-up to, but never played a big role in my life. Oh...He also only exists on Sunday.
Life in Austin, Texas was interesting. Fun, freedom, and no parents. I got to travel to new places, make new friends, try new things....nonetheless, I wasn't feeling happy. There's something that I was looking for and I couldn't find it in this place. The fun life and friends were not that fun anymore. So when He closed the door for me to stay in Austin, he opened another door for me to go to Tucson, Arizona. So I went and entered The University of Arizona on August 2008.
Boy, oh, boy..what an interesting place. Tucson is a VERY HOT and DRY place! Although I felt miserable, I was very determined to learn to like the place. And then....I fell in love, not necessarily with the city, but with the new friendship from ICF Tucson. Their love and care is unconditional. When I first time arrived in the city, I had no place to stay and 2 girls offered me their apartment while they were away for a Summer vacation. Me, a stranger, and these girls offered me their bed? Vera and Mery, you might not be aware how much your trust had touched me. You truly showed me a real-life example of Christian love.
"Do you think you'll go to heaven when you die?" was the question that Vera, my bible study leader, asked me during one of the session. My answer "Definitely not, because I will never be good enough to go to heaven." That question kept on lingering in my head. For the next weeks and months, I was frequently taunted by suicidal thoughts. I remembered peeling an apple and suddenly wondering what if I slit my wrist. Or I will be walking to school and suddenly thought about jumping to the street and getting hit by a car. Fortunately, nothing happened during that time as I refused to follow the suicidal urges. Meanwhile, I went on with my busy life.
While I was walking to school in Fall 2009, a thought came to my mind like a thunder..."yes, I can go to heaven because Jesus had died on the cross for my sin." In the middle of the day, out of nowhere, through the Holy Spirit prompting, I firmly believe that His death on the cross was enough to redeem me from my future punishment! Since then on, I decided to be a follower of Jesus and let Him rule in my life.
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